The Ten Principles of Conscious Dating

This book covers the following principles in depth:

1. Know who you are and what you want.

Like an iceberg, we are typically aware only of the tip, while our success and happiness depends upon what lies below the surface.

2. Learn how to get what you want.

Assess the information, tools, and skills you will need and acquire them. Develop creative strategies and action plans. "When you fail to plan, you plan to fail."

3. Be the "Chooser."

Take initiative and responsibility for your outcomes. Don’t react to what, or who, chooses you. Seek to create what you want in your life.

4. Balance your heart with your head.

Make your relationship choices consciously. It’s still exciting!

5. Be ready and available for commitment.

Live your life and bring your dating strategy into alignment with how ready you really are for a committed relationship.

6. Use the "Law Of Attraction."

Be the partner that you are seeking. Attract the partner that you want by developing yourself and living the life that you want. "If you build it, they will come."

7. Gain relationship knowledge and skills.

Prepare for the love of your life by learning about relationships, improving your relationship skills, and deepening your relationships with your family, friends, and colleagues. Date for fun and practice. Take more emotional risks. Read about relationships. Get relationship coaching. Take relationship classes and workshops.

8. Create a support community.

Isolated singles become lonely in their relationships when they focus on a partner to meet all their social and emotional needs.

9. Practice assertiveness.

To get what you really want, you need to say "No" to what you don’t want.

10. Be a "Successful Single."

Don’t put your life on hold waiting for a relationship to happen. Live your life vision and purpose while you are single. The best way to find your life partner is to be a happy, successful single person living the life that you really want.


These principles will help you avoid The 14 Dating Traps:

1. Marketing Trap

Trying to attract a partner by making yourself more appealing, believing you have to sell yourself because nobody would want you as you really are.

2. Packaging Trap

The opposite of the Marketing Trap. Instead of seeking to sell yourself with attractive packaging, you focus on the packaging of others, such as age, body type, weight, income, etc.

3. Scarcity Trap

Believing there is a limited supply of possible partners so you have to take what you can get or be alone.

4. Compatibility Trap

Believing that if you’re having fun with someone and getting along well, then you’re compatible and a committed relationship will work.

5. Fairytale Trap

This is passively expecting your ideal partner to magically appear so that you can live happily ever after without effort on your part. Believing that finding your soul mate will just "happen."

6. Date-to-Mate Trap

Becoming an instant couple with everybody you date, as if you’re giving the relationship a test drive. Assuming that by becoming a couple and trying out the relationship that a successful committed relationship will happen.

7. Attraction Trap

Making your choices based solely on feelings of attraction. You interpret a strong attraction to someone as a sign that this relationship is a good choice and is meant to be.

8. Love Trap

Interpreting infatuation, attraction, need, good sex, or emotional attachment as love.

9. Sex Trap

Prioritizing physical intimacy and regarding everything else as optional. Your main criterion for a relationship is sexual attraction and physical compatibility. You become a couple as soon as you have sex.

10. Rescue Trap

Hoping that a relationship will solve your emotional and financial problems and bring you happiness and fulfillment; like winning the lottery.

11. Co-dependent Trap

You expect someone will love you and give you what you want by giving the other person what they want. You try to earn love and happiness by acquiescing, nurturing, giving, and helping. Needing to be needed often results in unconsciously attracting and choosing a relationship with a person who needs you but is unable to give you what you want. You really want to be in a relationship. You feel unworthy as you are, and that you need to earn love. You pursue relationships because you feel incomplete when you’re not in one.

12. Entitlement Trap

Believing you deserve to be happy and to get what you want in your life without effort or changes on your part, because you’re entitled. Your attitude toward your partner is "What can you do for me?" "Make me feel good." "Make me happy."

13. Virtual Reality Trap

Believe that "what you see is what you get" and seeing what you want to see instead of using actual experience and knowledge to make long-term relationship choices.

14. Lone Ranger Trap

You are focused on your goal of finding your life partner and believe that the other relationships in your life are less important and that you don’t need anyone’s help. You evaluate the people you meet for their relationship potential and don’t take the opportunity to cultivate new friends. Then, you feel isolated and believe that there’s a scarcity of potential partner.